Fun with a Cal Thomas Column

Cal Thomas is America's "most syndicated news columnist."  American Idol is America's number one television show.  People eat at McDonald's more than any other restaurant.  None of that means Mickey D's is gourmet, American Idol is a "good" show, or that Cal Thomas has anything of value to say.  Like most right-wing writers Cal Thomas writes to bitch and moan, and complain about things that aren't real.  It's a free country, and he has a right to do that, and I have the right to make fun of him for being a douchebag.


I usually try to say nice things about people, but this piece kind of enraged me.  My comments are meant to be satire, I don't really think Cal Thomas is a doucehbag, he's a person, I think.  Perhaps a conniving one, but a person none the less.  My comments are in italics, my buddy Cal's are not.  







Evidence of big media’s bias against religion that doesn’t advance the secular and liberal agenda of the Democratic Party is beyond dispute. Any faith attached to a conservative agenda is to be ridiculed, stereotyped and misrepresented. Islam is a notable exception. The media appear to bend over backward not to offend Muslims.

Yes, the media bias is so bad that you are only in 500 newspapers and, according to you, are the number one syndicated columnist in America.  It's horrible, ohh the humanity!  If the media was so intent on promoting a "secular and liberal agenda" I don't think you'd be in so many newspapers.  It's lovely to see someone make such a stupid statement and condem the very industry that has made them extremely wealthy.


Here's one of the reasons assholes like you really piss me off Cal (can I call you Cal?).  You bitch all the time about how the Democrats promote a secular agenda when President Obama has gone out of his way not only to display his faith, but to court the vote of Evangelicals.  Obama is a very committed Christian, but the only time this is ever brought up is when your side rails against Jeremiah Wright.  You can't have it both ways.  You guys can't criticize him for not having faith and then make fun of his old church and pastor.  That's really fucking stupid.


In addition I've never understood why you think that the mainstream media is out to get Christianity.  When I flip through my cable channels (basically all owned by the companies that own the broadcast networks) I see plenty of shows about Christianity and Christians.  People constantly talk about Moses like he was a real person (myth!), same with Abraham (myth!).  It's like everyone bends over backwards as to not offend the Christians.  Last time I checked the always breeding Duggars had a television show too.  How many shows feature Pagans, Sikhs, or Jewish families?  NONE.  You are a fucktard and a liar sir.  

And the media does not give Islam a pass either, do you even watch television?  I'm sure your real problem with Islam in the media is that it's not vilified 100% of the time.  I know that's what your kind wants, and when it doesn't happen I know you complain.  "American Muslim" didn't present all Muslims as terrorists so brain-dead troglodytes on the right decided to complain.  

Oh, and by the way, Fox News is "big media."  You guys have your own fucking channel and it's still not good enough.  I'm sorry we all aren't licking your asshole right now.

The Washington Post on Monday, reporting from Carrollton, Ark., uncovered an event that occurred nearly 155 years ago and then sought to link it to the presidential candidacy of Mitt Romney: “On Sept. 11, 1857, a wagon train from this part of Arkansas met with a gruesome fate in Utah, where most of the travelers were slaughtered by a Mormon militia in an episode known as the Mountain Meadows Massacre.”

The Mountain Meadows Massacre is a very real piece of tragic history.  If you guys are going to go out of your way to dissect every sermon by Jeremiah Wright then I think Americans have the right to know about Mormon History.  Early Mormon History is a bit bloody, and the fault lies on both sides.  Oh, and don't tell me the media hates Mormons either.  The Osmonds have been on and off TV for years, and TNT even produced a sympathetic bio-pic on Brigham Young.  Ass.  

The Romney connection? “There aren’t many places in America more likely to be suspicious of Mormonism — and potentially problematic for Mitt Romney, who is seeking to become the country’s first Mormon president.”

Wow.  You've really distorted that piece from the Washington Post.  Carrollton Arkansas has a memorial to the victims of the Mountain Meadows Massacre.  The people there call that tragedy "the first 9-11."  You are 100% being a lying asshole here Cal.  The reporter is confining the word "place" here to a small isolated corner of Arkansas, a place where this tragedy still festers.  No one is calling Romney a murderer, and as the piece goes on to say, the conservatives there are planning to vote for Romney.  Cal, tell me, do you ever feel stupid for getting all worked up over nothing?  

As Carrollton, Ark., goes, so goes the nation? Would the Post question the legitimacy and faith of a Muslim candidate for Congress, or any office, because of 9/11? Do you even have to ask? Should the Spanish Inquisition reflect on a Catholic candidate?

The piece never implies "As Carrolton Ark., goes, so goes the nation."  This is another fabrication on your part because you apparently have nothing real to write about.  The Post never questions the legitimacy and faith of Romney, or that of any other Mormons, or Evangelicals for that matter in the article you are slamming.  I'll tell you who questions legitimacy and faith though-Mouth-breathers like you and your ilk on the right hand side of the aisle!  Fox News does it all the time, you guys do it to Obama, asking if he's a secret Muslim or a Christian who believes in UFO.  Douche.

Since Jimmy Carter announced during the 1976 presidential campaign that he was a born-again Christian, the media have been fascinated by religion, but not so much that they would labor to understand it. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is a devout Mormon, but Reid gets a media pass on his faith because he toes the line on the secular left’s agenda, from abortion to same-sex marriage, which Reid endorsed last week. That his church teaches the opposite of the way he votes doesn’t appear to concern him.

Wow, there's so much dumb in this paragraph that I don't know where to start.  I think the media completely understands religion, but a reporter's job is to report about it, not to endorse it.  This is what you guys on the Right don't understand.  Sometimes you have to separate faith from reporting, unless you work for Fox of course.  Before Carter we had entered a rather secular period in American history. Ike didn't wear his religion on his sleeve, neither did JFK or LBJ.  For a lot of Americans outside of the South, Carter was their first encounter with a born-again, of course there was fascination.  Carter legitimized being born-again and having great faith, and you guys still hated him.  Fuck.

Harry Reid is a wuss, and is not running for President.  He's basically been impotent since becoming Speaker of the House, of course the media doesn't care about him.  Romney is running for President, it's a much bigger deal.  Are you comparing Harry Reid to the President?  The majority of American Christians engage in behaviors not endorsed by their churches.  How many Catholics use birth control?  Limbaugh has been married four or five times.  People commit adultery, and don't love their neighbors as they love themselves.  I hate how you right wing froth machines just pick and choose.  


I'd also like to point out that there are many Christians who are in favor of gay marriage and are pro-choice.  These are not Christian litmus tests.  You can be in favor of gay rights and believe in Christ.  You can follow the teachings of Jesus (who never, not once, mentions homosexuality) and still be gay.  


Sen. Orrin Hatch, also a Mormon, is running for re-election in Utah. Hatch is less scary to the media because he made friends with late Sen. Ted Kennedy with whom he occasionally cooperated on legislation.

No, it's because Hatch isn't running for President.  

Former New York Gov. Mario Cuomo, a devout Catholic, opposes the death penalty, as does the Roman Catholic Church. The Catholic Church also opposes the “death penalty” for the unborn, but Cuomo challenged the Church’s position on abortion in his speech at Notre Dame in 1984 titled “Religious Belief and Public Morality: A Catholic Governor’s Perspective.” Why did no reporter press Cuomo on his “cafeteria theology”? Answer: Because his positions on the death penalty and abortion reflect the views of most in big media.

Sigh.  I'm tired of having to explain things to you, but here we go.  Most Americans don't march in lock-step with their church.  It's just the truth, people can think for themselves.  Maybe you can't, but most of us can.  Why are you going back to 1984 anyways?  Is that all you could find to harp about?  

The questions reporters should be asking Mitt Romney are not about his style of worship or about Mormon theology, but rather which of his church’s beliefs he thinks are connected to earthly policies and which ones, if any, he will attempt to implement should he become president.

Only in your deluded little mind has the Mormon question become a big deal.  I haven't heard anyone really making an issue of it.  Yes, your guy is going to have some trouble with Evangelicals because Evangelicals have argued that Mormons aren't Christians for over a century.  That's not the media's fault, that's the fault of some Evangelical Churches.  I love how all of you on the right are now cozying up to Mormonism because your candidate is one.  Romney hasn't been asked about his special underwear, celestial marriage, secret Temple rights, or whether he will follow The Prophet ahead of the Constitution.  

On her Washington Post blog, Jennifer Rubin says the media has a “Mormon Obsession”: “In sum, the left’s obsession with Romney’s faith tells us more about their ignorance of faithful people of all religions than anything else. ... Whether born of ignorance (i.e. that other faiths don’t share these essential values) or rank bias or intention to paint Romney as weird, the definition of Romney as nothing more than a Mormon stick figure is pernicious in our political culture and begs the question: Why is the media entirely uninterested in Obama’s religious influences, and indeed has dubbed such discussion racist?”

To many Americans Mormonism is a mysterious thing.  The Mormon Church has been removed from the mainstream for much of its history.  There was polygamy, African-Americans weren't allowed to hold LDS priesthood until 1978, and Mormonism is against coffee.  In places like the American South and the Northeast it's still a very unknown quantity.  I'd expect lots of articles about Mormonism throughout the election season.  It'll be an amazing opportunity for most Americans to see how far the faith has come since the Mountain Meadows Massacre.

Journalists and media organizations should be required to take advanced religion courses so that they can better understand faith, explain it accurately and ask the right questions of candidates who believe in an Authority higher than the state.

And so should you, obviously.  Some classes on "truth" would also be nice.   

Cal Thomas is the country’s most widely syndicated columnist.


That doesn't make him a good or truthful one though.